Logan and Kurt discuss God
by KerJye
Summary: Logan is having a tough time coping with Jean's death. He seeks out Kurt to understand his faith in God despite his appearance. First Fic. Constructive criticism encouraged. Inspired by a Philosophy assignment and a godexistence dialogue Revised


Disclaimer: Of course I own them….NOT! I wish I did but sigh alas it is not to be. For the realz, I don't own 'em. Stop looking at me like that..Sheesh!

Ever since he first met Kurt, Logan saw Kurt's unwavering faith in God. Logan was not a religious man, he did not consider himself to be an atheist, but he couldn't understand how God could permit so much crap in the world. His whole life was one rotten deal after another; being a mutant, being rejected from society, and finally losing the one person who could bring him out of the shadow that surrounded him, Jean. Yet, when he looked at Kurt, he saw someone who had even more right than he to become cold and hateful towards everyone, God included, and yet he persisted believing in a loving God and following Him. He found it ironic that the most devout Catholic he had ever met had the appearance of a demon; with blue skin, yellow eyes, sharp teeth, pointed ears, tridactile hands, feet which were more like hooves, and a tail.

Logan was so filled with contempt over his entire situation that it was suffocating him. He sought out Kurt because he wanted to understand how Kurt could believe in God when so much evil enveloped the world. Logan walked the dormitories with a six pack of Bud, heading toward the more secluded portion of the school where Kurt chose to reside. He found Kurt in his room, wrapped in prayer as was often the case. Logan stood behind Kurt for about five minutes before he cracked open a beer and chose to speak.

"Don't you ever give it a rest?" Logan said startling Kurt out of his prayers.

"Mein Gott, Herr Logan, I did not hear you come in." Kurt said shaken, dropping his rosary to the floor "I'm sorry, I was just praying. May I help you?"

"Want a beer?" Logan said, offering Kurt an unopened Bud.

Kurt seemed shocked, "Beer? But this is a school."

"Heh. Would you rather I take 'em back?" Logan said sardonically, setting the beer on the end table near Kurt, "It's not like you're underage."

"Well when you put it that way," Kurt said in jest, taking up the proffered drink, "Hn, American beer. A watery excuse for alcohol."

"I hear ya, but you try getting anything stronger past Xavier." Logan said.

"So did you come all this way just to find a drinking buddy?" Kurt said, "Or is there something more?"

Logan looked at Kurt for a moment, then began to study his beer, "I don't understand you, elf." He finally said, "How do you believe in God? It doesn't make sense. You of all people should feel most inclined not to. He's dealt us all crap lives that He refuses to improve and still I find you in constant prayer."

"Logan, I cannot deny my creator." Kurt said. Logan sensed him faltering at the sudden intrusion of his faith, "I believe that He has a reason for everything He does, including making me as I am."

"So you believe in God?"

"Yes, Logan, I do." Kurt said setting down his beer.

"Tell me, elf, is God all powerful? Can He do anything?"

"Yes, Logan, God is capable of anything. He created everything, the world, all life that inhabits it, including you and I."

"And how do you know this?"

"The first chapter of the Bible, Genesis, tells us this."

"The Bible!" Logan scowled, having expected the answer, "How can you believe in the Bible and its 'God given laws' that even Christians don't obey. Take the mutant problem for example. Every day mutants are shunned and murdered in the name of good, what happened to 'Thou shall not kill?' Do you still believe in the Bible despite this corruption?"

"Herr Logan, people fear what they do not understand. You cannot blame to Bible for its misinterpreters." Kurt said calmly, allowing Logan to continue his inquisition of faith.

"Why serve a law that others refuse to follow?" Logan demanded.

"Because, Logan, that law is moral whether or not others choose to obey." Logan admired Kurt's defense, though he didn't care to admit it. Logan knew of a fair amount of abuses in Kurt's past and was bewildered at how the elf could trust this law though it had often been so viciously used against him.

"Tell me this, then," Logan said, finishing off one beer and opening another, "You would heal a sick person if you could, wouldn't you?"

"I would not hesitate," Kurt said. He watched as Logan took a swig of the Bud.

"You would save an innocent, loving person from dying if you could, wouldn't you?" His voice rose in emotion as he downed the alcohol easily, "I know I would, Kurt. I would do anything in my power, sacrifice my own life, saving such a person. Why then won't God? Why is it that he allowed Jean to die when she was the most worthy person I have ever known? He is all powerful, why won't he?"

Kurt watched as Logan's anger depleted into sadness, an emotion Logan rarely allowed himself to feel, especially in front of others. Kurt stepped closer, but made no further move to comfort the normally stoic man. "Logan, sometimes it is hard to accept, but his ways are all part of a greater plan. He knows what He's doing."

"How can you believe in a just God?" Logan said, resuming his questioning in a more restrained tone, "Is God good, elf?"

"I believe He is."

"Is the devil good?"

"Logan, whether or not the devil is good cannot be reason to-."

"Are you saying he is then, Kurt?" Logan said cracking open yet another beer.

Kurt sighed, knowing where the conversation was headed, "No."

"Who created the devil?"

"God did. Satan was an angel once, but he fell into darkness."

"There is evil, darkness, in the world isn't there Kurt? Mutants face this every day. You especially know the evils of this world, being the mirror image of the lord of darkness himself."

Logan cut himself off as Kurt winced at the description of his appearance. He regretted his choice of words as the alcohol was flushed out of his constantly regenerative system. He hated that the alcohol had such a short term affect on him. He handed Kurt another beer in an unspoken apology.

Logan continued, "You said that God made everything, right?"

Kurt nodded taking a sip of the new beer, "I did."

"Who created evil then?" Logan charged, his tone even and exhausted, "Who created disease, wickedness, and hatred? God created them, didn't he? Like he created the law that no one keeps. The law that he refuses to uphold, resulting in injustice toward the innocent, toward mutants, toward you and I. How is it that this God is good if He created all evil that plagues the world?"

"Logan," Kurt said sympathetically, "Your vision of God is backward. You-"

"Heh, Vision?" Logan interrupted. "Have you ever seen God, elf? Have you ever heard him, felt him, or in any other way physically sensed him?"

Kurt submitted patiently once more to the questioning, and once more Logan acknowledged silently his composed reaction, "I have not sensed him in any of these manners, Logan."

"Yet you still believe in Him?" Logan snorted, "That takes faith."

"Indeed it does." Kurt looked through his window into the night, Logan followed his gaze.

"God can't exist if he isn't sensed." Logan stated matter-of-factly, "What do you say to that, elf?" Logan said, wanting to feel triumphant, but finding only discontent with his conclusion.

Kurt looked at Logan considerately, "You're words tell me you've won, but your manner suggests defeat. You're solution wasn't the answer you sought, was it?"

Logan only grunted in reply. He couldn't stand that look; the look of pity Kurt was giving him. He turned to leave, feeling more dejected than when he'd arrived.

"Wait, Logan." Kurt called him back; Logan paused then turned to face the blue man once more. "I have allowed you to question me fully and uninhibitedly, now I ask that you permit me the same courtesy." Kurt said, looking to Logan for consent. Logan was silent but demonstrated his attention.

"Is there such thing as heat, Logan?" Kurt said retrieving his fallen rosary.

"Yes." Logan answered skeptically.

"Now is there such thing as cold?"

"Well if there's heat, there's gotta be cold too." Logan stated, thrown by the odd question.

"Actually, there is not really such thing as cold. Cold is only a description of a lack of heat, and there is only so much heat you can take away before it cannot get any 'colder.' So you see, cold is not the opposite of heat, but rather, the lack of it."

"I don't see what this has to do with God, elf." Logan said not amused.

"I'll explain myself in a moment, Logan." Kurt continued, "Does light exist?"

"Yes," Logan said more cautiously now.

"So does darkness also exist then?"

"Of course it does, look outside and there's your proof."

"Ah, Logan, I thought you might have caught on." Kurt said playfully, adding more sympathetically, "You are wrong again, mein freund, darkness is not something, but rather the lack of something, in this case, light. If it were something, you could make darkness darker and give some to me in this beer can, but you can't do that, can you Logan?"

Getting annoyed, Logan said, "What is your point, elf?"

"My point is that your reasoning is flawed, so your conclusion concerning God is flawed."

Logan stared at Kurt blankly, not wanting to reveal any hopeful emotion prematurely. Kurt continued, "Your reasoning is based on duality. For instance there is life and there is death. Light and Darkness. Good God and bad god. You're vision of God is far too restricted, He is an infinite power."

"Death is not the opposite of life, but rather the absence of it. You believe in immorality, but instead there is an evident lack of morality. Think about it, is there such a thing as evil?" Kurt paused and Logan allowed his words to sink in, "Or is evil the lack of good?"

Kurt moved more closely to Logan and placed a hand on his shoulder, a gesture that Logan hadn't expected. "There is evil in the world Logan, nobody can deny you this. But God's work, God's good work, is the true substance while the evil in this world is the lack there of. I will not deny that so many refuse to do as He has instructed, but in that description is the evidence that his instruction is good and their refusal to comply is the absence of His influence."

Logan began to feel almost hopeful as he heard the contradiction to his argument, but some stubborn part of him refused to so easily accept Kurt's words. "How do you know He's there, Kurt? How can you have such faith in His love?"

Kurt sighed, Logan awaited another intellectual response with interest, "Logan, you have a mind don't you?"

He didn't expect that one, "Are you suggesting something, elf?"

"Nein," Kurt said laughingly, "Only follow what I am about to say." Kurt paused, Logan assumed to concentrate on how to best word his newest analogy, "Can anyone touch your mind? Taste, hear, smell, or see your mind?"

Logan remained silent, considering the question and where it may be headed.

"From previous reasoning you would have concluded that you have no mind, but we both know it exists. Even if it might not be the brightest ever-" Kurt said jokingly.

"Watch it, bub." Logan knew he was lowering his defensive barriers, and frankly, at the moment, he didn't give a damn.

"So you see that the only way I can ever know you and your mind is to seek you out and spend time with you, if you are willing to let me." Kurt paused and added genuinely, "You can know God, Logan. He is willing. Are you?"


End file.
